Everything I Know About Writing, I Learned from America’s Next Top Model

OUR FIRST GUEST POST!

Today’s post is brought to you by Liz, a regular in these parts.  She pointed out to me that Reality T.V. can do more than kill brain-cells, and, despite my misgivings, she makes GREAT points about writing I am unable to ignore.  If you like this article, you can read more from Liz at her blog: Jinky Smithers

A few months ago, I made a flip comment about how reality TV was as good a writing workshop as any.  After the laughter had died down, Joey asked if I would like to do a guest post on the matter, and I agreed.  After all, how hard could it be, right?

Turns out, it was more difficult than I thought it would be.  Not because there wasn’t enough material to pull from–60% of the programming in the United States alone is reality-based–but because there was too much.  I ended up with a list spanning 8 reality TV shows and 6 single-spaced pages.  Way too heavy for a simple guest post.

Then one day, while watching a marathon of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 2, it hit me.  There was really no need to venture into the obscure and at times dehumanizing worlds of Project Runway, Top Chef, Shear Genius, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, American Idol, Survivor, and My Fair Brady.  When it comes to writing, America’s Next Top Model has it all, with the added fierceness of Tyra’s weave.

Here’s my top ten:

“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”

Who said it:  Robyn Manning, Cycle 1.  When Jay Manuel announced to the last four girls they would be posing nude for a jewelry ad, Robin pitched the mother of all spazzes.  Her resistance to bare all cost her a spot as a finalist, but at least she had her self-respect.  Well, most of it, anyway.

What I learned:  Unlike homework and finals, peer pressure doesn’t just end the moment you graduate high school.  Even in the publishing industry, there’s never a short supply of people wanting you to change who you are, what you write, or how you write it.  Sticking to your guns when it comes to your vision may cost you representation or even a book deal, but what good are either of those things if you’re not proud of your work?

“This is my signature walk, and it’s what’s going to make me famous.”

Who said it:  Camille McDonald, Cycle 2.  Oh, Camille.  Camille, Camille, Camille.  This Cycle 2 third runner-up had it all, including an ego the size of Europe.  But when she refused to satisfy a client’s needs by insisting that Her Way was The Right Way, Tyra & Co. sent her packing.

What I learned:  Having confidence in your ability to write a story is important, but also important are humility and the ability to take constructive criticism.  It won’t matter how many doors to the publishing industry open for you if your ego is too large to fit through them.  No one wants to work with a drama queen.

“It’s good to have family around, even if it’s not your own.”

Who said it:  Amanda Swafford, Cycle 3.  Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model was one of the most drama-filled ones to date.  So when Tyra took the girls to dinner with her family, it was nice to see the girls (Amanda included) not at each others’ throats for a whole five minutes.

What I learned:  For most of us, the writing process is a solitary one.  If we’re lucky, we have the full support of our loved ones to push us forward.  But when that isn’t possible, it’s just as good to have the support of a critique group or writing partner. After all, it’s far less easy to throw in the towel when you know there’s someone out there who wants you to succeed as badly as you do.

“Take responsibility for yourself, because no one’s going to take responsibility for you.”

Who said it:  Tyra Banks.  In one of the most surprising eliminations in Top Model history, Tyra unveiled the last photograph as a blank one, sending not one, but two girls home.  While Cycle 4’s Rebecca let the tears roll, Tiffany, the other eliminated contestant, laughed it off, sending Tyra into a rage.

What I learned:  There are going to be times in your writing career when things don’t go as you plan.  Deals go sour, agents pass on representation, and reviews can be scathing.  When this happens, it’s OK to be bummed, but it’s not OK to play the blame game.  Not every agent who passes on your manuscript is an idiot; not every editor who can’t get support of his house is incompetent; not every reader who doesn’t like your book is jealous of your talent.  The world is not out to get you.  So take responsibility for yourself and for your work, and next time, try harder.

“Don’t get it twisted.”

Who said it:  Ebony Taylor, Cycle 5.  Ebony slid into the semi-finals after impressing Tyra with her desire to model and this, her motto.

What I learned: I don’t know one person who started writing because they thought it was a quick and easy way to fame and notoriety, but I know a lot of people who ended up there, regardless.  Nowadays, writing a good book isn’t always enough to get it sold, and writers do have to put forth more effort when it comes to marketing.  But while chasing the white rabbit of popularity into the black hole of social networking may secure you a gazillion Facebook friends, it does little to help move your story along or expand your skills as a storyteller.  Maybe a better motto for writers would be “Write first, Tweet later, and don’t get it twisted.”

“I feel like a penis with ears.”

Who said it:  Kathy Hoxit, Cycle 6.  Kathy, a country bumpkin whose vibrant personality couldn’t save her from being the first contestant eliminated, did kind of look like a penis with ears when the girls posed for a bald photoshoot in Cycle 6.  But at least she didn’t cry about it!

What I learned:  No matter what you write or how long you’ve been doing it, you’re bound to hit patches where you feel like a stupid, talentless penis with ears.  When that happens, you can either let it break you down, or you can do as Tyra suggests and own your fierceness, flaws and all.

“I am the undiscovered supermodel.”

Who said it:  Jade Cole, Cycle 6.  Ah, Jade.  The girl who learned nothing because she thought she knew everything.  Arrogant beyond words, she seemed to believe her failed attempts at modeling had nothing to do with her attitude and everything to do with…well, she didn’t know, exactly.  For nine weeks, Top Model viewers were treated to Jade’s trademark narcissism, her Jedi mind-tricking of fellow contestant Gina, and her vehement refusal to accept criticism, constructive or otherwise.  In the end, it was her aversion to taking much-needed advice that ended her stint on Top Model, and no one (except for Jade, herself) was sad to see her go.

What I learned:  The Story of Jade serves double-duty in regards to writing.  Not only does it reinforce the importance of not letting one’s ego get in the way of progressing forward, but it also provides a crash course in toxic people.  If you find yourself in close proximity to someone who overcomes her insecurities by preying on yours, it’s best to put some distance between you before she gets into your head and fills it with nonsense.

“You didn’t commit.”

Who said it:  Tyra Banks.  Anchal Joseph from Cycle 7 was often cited as being the most beautiful girl in the group.  Too bad she was too insecure to see it.  Time and again, her defeatist attitude got the best of her, and after running offstage during an impromptu posing challenge, the judges got rid of The Girl Who Wouldn’t Commit.

What I learned:  Compelling stories are all about believability, and believability is all about commitment.  Readers can sense hesitation in a story, and that hesitation can make or break a reader’s suspension of belief.  It’s normal to sometimes be hung up on a scene, a character, or even a plot, but as a writer, it’s your job to reconcile your uncertainty in a way that furthers the story along.  When you go for it, go all the way.  Because if you don’t believe it, neither will anyone else.

“Just ’cause.”

Who said it:  Diana Zalewski, Cycle 8. Diana was one of two plus-sized models that cycle–a first in Top Model history.  Her pictures may have been less than stellar, but it was her attitude that delivered the final blow.  When Jay Manuel asked her why she was still in the competition, Diana didn’t know, and neither did anyone else.

What I learned:  As important as it is to know what you want, it’s just as important to know why you want it.  Purpose is the engine that propels you toward your goals.  Without it, you won’t get very far.  Or as Tyra once put it, “You have to want it.  No one can want it for you more than you want it for yourself.”  Word.

And last, but not least….

“People don’t like frailty; they like vulnerability.  There’s a subtle difference between those words.”

Who said it:  Mr. Jay.  Though Mr. Jay isn’t known for his memorable quotes, this one–in reference to Cycle 12’s Marjorie, whom the judges affectionately(?) referred to as the Hunchback of Notre Dame–is a keeper.

What I learned:  Character is the heart and soul of story.  The more human the characters, the more deeply a reader bonds with them.  But as Mr. Jay said, there’s a fine line between “vulnerable” and “frail.” Weak characters make for weak books.  After all, who cares about the plot if the protagonist is Too Stupid to Live?

OK, that’s it for me!  Thanks to Joey and Rhiannon for letting me hijack their blog, and remember, writing isn’t all about how-tos and classes and workshops–it’s about life experience, too.  Just because it’s not your life experience doesn’t mean you can’t use it.

Ciao!

Again, if you like this article, you can read more from Liz at her blog: Jinky Smithers.  I’ll sure be checking it out!   Already subscribed.

The Sound of Music | Key to World Peace

There is an occult magic in this world so rare and precious it is little heard of today.  Uses for this magic include taming wild beasts, a fast-track cure for the common cold, and will (undoubtedly) be used to usher in world peace.  It is a well kept secret, but I’m prepared to share it with you all today.  That secret is the voice of Julie Andrews.

Most of us have heard at least one Andrews song in our lifetimes.  I’d even venture to say 90% of those songs are from The Sound of Music or Mary Poppins.  It is my opinion there is nothing Andrews’ voice can’t cure–especially choosing from these sources.  I was thinking about writing this post when my sister posted this video on Facebook, thus reinforcing my point:

The way the people react at seeing these dancers just coming out and doing their thing … there is such diversity–and just joy.  My day was made when I saw this video.  It’s evidence that the spirit of Andrews and her music is still strong in the mind of the world!

Taking a leaf from the Jedi Warrior’s Handbook, the military should play THIS at all the “bad guys” of the world!  Soften them up, lighten their hearts, and just plain get along.

*sigh*  I realize I’m dreaming big here, but “wouldn’t it be loverly?”  Take a moment and dream it with me.  Start singing your favorite Julie Andrews song, and do something nice for someone today.  It can even be from her other material!  There are TONS of GREAT songs in Victor/Victoria and Thoroughly Modern Millie and My Fair Lady and … *goes on ad nauseum*

*EDIT*

Alright, I found something else (of course).  If all the above videos have not made you happy, then perhaps this one may.  This features another one of my favorite actors from childhood, Gene Kelly.  Thanks, Mom!

Hotdogs, the Adjective

If you are not yet acquainted with Eddie Izzard, watch this video:

In celebration of this BRILLIANT joke, I’ve decided to “officially” classify hotdogs as an adjective.  I already use it frequently, and now I’ll have a frame of reference for all those who are foozled by my use of the common noun as such.

On Progress

The real intention of this blog was to chat about the progress we’ve been making on the book.  It’s been, well, hotdogs!  It’s amazing and a half to the square root of pi.

Learning about yourself is a tricky thing.  There have been many bumps in the road for us, but we’ve taken them on one by one.  The first one being the fact that we can’t rush the process.  Oh it would be nice if Rhiannon and I could put this book on the fast track, but the more we try to do it the more evident it becomes that we can’t.

We’ve set out to write a great–if not THE great–American Fantasy of our generation.

A Dream Longstanding

Looking back on my life, I can see how destiny was pushing me in this direction.  I was a sophomore in Lowell High School and there was nothing I wanted to do more than write.  I wrote short stories, poem, I even had a couple ideas kicking for a novel (fantasy, of course).  I was a voracious reader and my best friend was the librarian.

The only problem was, I couldn’t finish writing many of the things I started.  Sometimes it was hard to GET started in the first place.  So, I asked a good friend, Rachel (my first “wife” and fellow author), to write a novel series with me.  My goal was to write something epic–Tolkien in complexity.  I was even attempting to invent my own language.

Admittedly, most of the work I was doing I was hardly interested in.  I assumed, because that’s the way other authors came up with their magical worlds, that was the way I had to do it as well.  Needless to say, all this work go on Rachel’s nerves, and we fought about essential plot points so much that we worked together less than a month before decided it had been a bad idea.  Then I met Rhiannon …

Two Peas in a Pod

Okay, so it was a couple years later that I met Rhiannon.  I had discovered my sexuality, lost a bit of interest in writing, and was finally putting myself out there.  Up to this point I’d been a rather shy kid.  High school really transformed my personality.  It taught me courage, and how to be a comedian.

Then, this annoying kid in French class pressured me to join the Spindles (the Lowell High Show Choir).  You see, they were badly in need of male vocalists.  Male bodies is what they were after really.  I didn’t even have to audition to get in.  I was just expected to show up at the first rehearsal the next year.  Thank god for Rich!

Oddly enough, I’d spent the entire previous year with Rhiannon and didn’t even know it.  She shared that same French class with me.  Of course, she was on the other side of the classroom with her nose in a book 90% of the time.  She got in trouble once or twice for giggling out loud, but the teacher hardly noticed.

Rhiannon was a soprano in the show choir, and I ended up a tenor.  We ended up hitting it off rather quickly, once in the chorus room–to the point where we had to switch seats in order to sit next to each other.  We’d annoyed those between us to the extent that they were more than willing to move aside.

It wasn’t long before I asked Rhiannon to try writing with me.  She was wary, and didn’t jump.  Not that I blame her.  Writing with someone else is a lot of work.  Two egos to contend with, and we both knew mine was strong (still is).

A Pregnant Pause

Later, she went to college.  I tried to go to college, but found the environment wasn’t what I wanted.  Even going to multiple schools.  I just wanted to write, but I still had a hard time finishing anything of great length.

So, what did I do?  I joined the military.  It wasn’t I was half way across the world did I have the determination to pick up the pen and finally finish something.  After I got out of the Marines, in January of 2007, it took me four months to complete the writing of the most melodramatic family drama the world has ever seen.  There was no magic, at least nothing that could be classified as fantasy.  However, I was proud.  The 512 page, 100,000+ word novel was a completed rough draft of an entire book.

Destiny’s Inspiration

Rhiannon, being the GREAT friend she is, was honest about the book.  She hated it.  Even I admit, the thing is so sticky, the pages hardly turn.  It’s hard to believe it was the source for what we have now.  I took a risk, and asked her to write with me again.

Not without hesitation did she accept, but we promised each other not to take the project too seriously.  If it was putting strain on our friendship, it would have to end.  Turns out, it could be the best thing that happened to us.  It’s brought us to a point where we’re co-creating a world that’s always existed under the surface of our lives and it finally seeing the light of day.

I’m very pleased with our work.  And I apologize for not rereading this before posting, but family is arriving and I want to get this up.  Enjoy the video.  I’ll be back tomorrow with more to chat about, no doubt.  Maybe I’ll even tell a Taftkan tale.

Neil Gaiman is a Vampire

They do kinda look a like.  Although I love Neil Gaiman’s work…it’s suspicious.  Is it the Hobbit hair or the “I wanna eat you” eyes?

He does have that wolfish dog, and we all know the Cullens get the shape-shifters on their side in the end.

Also, he comes from a very rainy place that has experienced an unusual amount of sun.  Where did he move to?  Well, it’s been really wet here in the states.

Ha ha!  This was all in good fun, by the way.  Don’t want to start any trouble if someone’s keeping secrets.  *nudge nudge*  Keep it real, Mr. Gaiman.  I know your secret!

EDIT: And then there’s this, of course.  It was, conveniently, posted on his blog today.  Further proof no doubt.