Closer to Fine

Recently, I’ve been going through some turbulent times involving religion, spirituality, history, and reconciling it all in my head.  Everything I’ve written about magic I believe.  But I’ve also believed in the Christian God and Jesus almost all of my life.  I still pray, “In Jesus’ Name I Pray, Amen.”  It’s automatic, like breathing.  Almost every time—scratch that, EVERY time I get on the highway since the one time I didn’t do this and totaled my car—I say, “Dear God, please protect me, in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”  If I’m getting onto 128, I say it three times or more.  Is that praying?  Is that magic?

Can’t it be both?

Think about it: there have been so many different cultures, religions, gods, goddesses, heroes, saints, morals, practices, how can we possibly say that one is correct over the other?  It also seems impossible to say, “Well, they’re all correct.”

What I think I’ve come to believe (but wait a week and it will change) is that somewhere in the midst of all of those beliefs is a connection to something.  I don’t know if it is God, Allah, The Universe, or Energy, but there is something we can connect to if we want to.  Some people tap into it for evil things some for good, some for selfish reasons, some to help others.  Some completely ignore it, or turn to it only in their hour of need.  Some struggle their entire lives trying to tap back into what was so easy as children.

The Key, and the main point in our books, is that you have to possess a strong imagination to connect.  When I was a kid I had no problem whatsoever believing in God.  I could imagine His arms around me and I could feel His light shine through me.  Then I went to college and took World Civ and realized that Christianity is only a small slice of pie on this earth and it killed my ability to believe in the words of men who sought to control the masses.  What about all those other cultures who believe their beliefs so fervently?

From what I’ve experienced, both Christianity and Magic tell you to visualize the outcome you want firmly in your mind and release it into God’s Hands or The Universe.  Both practitioners of magic and prayer have obtained impressive, sometimes miraculous results: because they can Imagine.

In high school, I had no idea where I was going to college, but I could visualize myself sitting in college classrooms.  I managed to get there with pretty much a free ride.  In college, I had no idea how I was going to get to England, but I could very easily imagine myself in Oxford classrooms and drinking in pubs (actually, the pubs were a huge stretch for my imagination!).  I got all of the paperwork and loans taken care of with surprisingly little hassle.  I have no idea how Joey and I are going to get these books published, but I can picture the two of us holding the finished product in our hands and grinning at the camera.  I know it’s going to happen.

As for my relationship with God?  I believe he must exist, considering the vast numbers who worship Him.  Who wouldn’t want a loving, caring God to get your back?  I know I’ve felt the connection to Him, or whatever energy/being it is out there.  When I release my prayer into the wind, I talk to Him, the universe, my personal dragon, Phylquestrial, and I feel slightly closer to fine.

Title inspiration (and relevant topic): Closer to Fine – Indigo Girls

Organisms, Or What the Fat Lady Does

I’m sitting here, it’s nye yet two-thirty in the morning (three after editing, yeesh), and I can’t help but chuckle.  Fatigued beyond belief, yet more conscious than I’ve ever found myself, and, like many a person in this day and age, what do I do?–I come here!–to share this with you.  “Lol” does not even begin to sum it up.  If I could only tell you in full what just happened.  I can’t, partially because I’m slightly bashful–but only slightly.  However, I also kinda want to keep it clean around here.  I’m just too amused with myself not to share this.

I’m sitting here, dreaming–what else is new?–and, all of a sudden, I am so filled with the emotion of the dream … I am so without control over myself that I just burst into song.  Not just any song, mind you, Olivia Newton-John’s cover of “You Made Me Love You!”

Worry not friends, I shake my head at this silliness along side you.  Buuuut, I do have a question?  Anyone else do this? (Besides Rhiannon)  This isn’t a unique occurrence for me.  I burst into song all the time.  It’s like they told us in college: the REASON there is song in musicals is the emotion has come to such a height the story has no choice but to continue thusly.  The same must be true in real life.  I guess, what I’m asking is … *Is there anybody out there..?*  (Name that tune … again, besides Rhiannon … too easy)

Down With Blogging

Blogging sucks.  I’m done with it.  From now on, I’m treating this website as my own journal.  I may keep out some of the more private stuff, but I’m done with the formality of blogging.  The funny thing is, I started writing this post like a BLOG.  It was all in nice paragraphs, complete sentences, and expressed full ideas.  Hah.  Then I looked at the clock!

I have to cook a roast chicken for someone special.  I have no time to blog, and that is the point.  Besides, this site was never meant for stuff like that.  I want to get my thoughts out to the world–not show off my writing skill.  Of course, I’ll do that here and there (as I have done).  Not to mention–that is what the BOOK is for.

P.S.  Remind me to tell you guys about the book sometimes.  For real about it.  Not all the general stuff.  I won’t be giving any of the ending plot away, but I think it’s time you guys got an intro/sneak peak into what we’re conjuring here.  Alright, the kitchen awaits!

Dreams

The other day my sister told me I sounded like a fifteen-year-old girl talking about how I’m going to be famous and rich and have everything I’ve always wanted. It annoyed me, but when I asked myself why, it got me thinking about dreams. Some people don’t dream at all, because they are afraid they’ll never get it and it will hurt more than they could stand. When I started thinking from the perspective, I pulled up the question: What is the worst that can happen from working on these novels with Joey?

The Worst:

One would think the worst that could happen is failing: we never finish the book, nobody wants to publish it or it gets published and no one likes it. That would be pretty bad, but I’d still have the experience of being a novelist, something I never thought I’d actually have. Not to mention, we’re only a few chapters from the end of the rough draft, so I don’t think the first failure, of not finishing the novel, will happen. There is still the chance that no one will publish it or like it, but I find that doubtful.
We’re writing with our contemporaries, much like every time period I ever studied in British, American, or World lit. The classes are all about, “How is this similar to who came before and how is it different?” We are taking what is popular at the time and integrating the elements we like while making fun of the elements that we dislike.
And if no one likes what we write, we still have the experience, one that has brought Joey and I closer together than I thought possible. Which brings me to the absolute worst thing that could happen in this venture, and it could happen before or during publishing: something could turn into a huge argument between us and end our friendship forever.

I don’t think this could possibly happen. If it was going to, I imagine it would’ve happened already. Luckily for us, we’ve spent a lot of time fighting about useless things in the duration of our friendship and have therefore learned how to navigate an argument into something useful; every time we have an argument about the book, the story gets even better.

The Best:

Obviously the best case scenario is that our book catches the world’s imagination and we soar into the consciousness of our audience. That I’ll become a New York Times bestselling author, something I’ve wanted since I read Stephanie Plum and saw that splashed on every one of Evanovich’s books.  And maybe saying things like that does sound naïve. But if I didn’t go after this chance, I would be absolutely insane, especially since the worst that can happen seems so utterly unlikely. Let them say no to us; they can’t take away the artistic genius that has come from our writing partnership or the fun we’ve had along the way.

The Invigorating Cold

So I woke up this morning and was rather thankful I didn’t have to go into work until two o’clock.  The weatherman warned about cold, and when I woke up, and saw the crystal clearness of the sky new it’s beauty had to come with a catch.  It had to be freezing.  Happy I was to not be going out in it.

Ha ha! Sayeth the universe.  I was out the door and on my way to the grocery store.  My cupboards nearly bare of easily prepared foods.

Pulled on my coat, gloves, and earmuffs, then I lowered my head to the wind and speed off in the chill.  About halfway to the store my eyes made it skyward–they so often do–and I saw, again, the crystal blue of the sky.

In that moment I was awake.  The cold livened my sensed and I had no thought.  There was just me, and the beauty of the day.  The cold facilitated my appreciation.  It woke up every part of my physical body, making me completely aware of my connection to everything around me.

Does anyone else out there have these personal realizations about being connected to your surroundings?  I want to hear your stories!

Being a Wizard Means Being Appreciative

Magic is an appreciation of life. It teaches us to respect the trees, grass, flowers, lakes, rivers, bugs – everything. I’ve always felt the most connected to Spirit when I’m outside, especially in the forest or a body of water. Now, when I take a walk I thank the trees for the shade and oxygen they provide and I can hear them revel in my gratitude when the breeze tickles their leaves. We’re all connected and we all appreciate a little thanks for our hard work, so today thank the elements that speak to you the most, and even the ones that don’t! Feel how grateful the universe is for your thanks.

Being a Wizard Means Having Patience

My magical training starts with a wonderful book, “Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard,” by Oberon Zell-Ravenheart. I’ve only been reading for a few weeks, but each time I turn the page I want to devour every tiny bit of information all at once. I want to do every exercise, find every magical tool he lists, and know everything already. Becoming a Wizard doesn’t work like that. In order for your mind to adjust to magical workings, the information needs to be digested slowly. I reached a point where I was completely exhausted from trying to take in too much at once and have since slowed down. I’m now reading a little more passively, only trying a few new things at a time. I started with trying to see people’s auras, and it took me a couple of days before I could see my boyfriend’s. I still have trouble seeing anyone else, but I hypothesize that’s because it’s awkward to stare at strangers long enough for my eyes to adjust. Over time, with practice, I’ll be able to instantly see anyone’s aura on demand. If you start to feel frustrated with your pace, take a deep breath and possibly a break. Maybe try moving onto another area of magic – there are so many! But never give up; have patience.

Being a Wizard Means Being an Eternal Student

My Magical Training

As part of my magical training, I’ve been writing in a paper journal nearly every single day, sometimes more than once. I recommend everyone to at least jot down the date, your mood, and the weather, if not a detailed account of your day. It’s helpful to know what’s happened in your past in order to interpret trends and therefore make positive changes in your life. However, that is another lesson for another day.

In this series, I will be sharing my notes about what Magic is, or what being a Wizard means. Almost every day I have a revelation, and I add this to my own personal definition. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me; I’m extremely interested in other’s ideas, which leads nicely into the topic of this article!

Being an Eternal Student

A Wizard (or Witch) never stops learning or taking in information. If you feel like you know everything there is to know about a subject, well, chances are you’re wrong, but you should move on to another one. I recently started embroidering because of my magical studies, even though as a kid I was directly opposed to anything in the nature of sewing. This coming Spring I plan on helping my mother in her garden to learn more about planting and the cycle of growth, even though as a kid I was even more directly opposed to dirt and bugs. After years of only knowing one subject fairly well (English, literature, writing – and I don’t claim to be an expert in any of those, much as I’d like to be), I’m finally branching out and asking the universe to impart new knowledge on me. Never stop expanding your mind!