Twitterpated

What do you do when you think you’ve heard something, but it could have been your imagination intervening with the thing you WANTED to hear?  Why doubt?  Why think about it?  Why not just ask, “Did you just say what I think you said?”  Fear, but it’s illegitimate fear.  This game is way too fun.  Whether he said what I heard, or just made it up doesn’t matter I guess … I know how I feel.  Which scares me even more.

By the way, pistachio ice cream with jimmies are the BEST!

I’ve Gotta Go Tah Work…

…but I’d so rather stay here and write.  Correction, that was a Fruedian slip, I’d so rather stay here and sleep.  I failed on that mission last night.  Not feeling too hot.  Maybe I’ll be lucky, and they will show mercy on my miserable ass.

Why am I dumb?  It was silly, the whole not sleeping thing.  I didn’t even really try.

On the plus side, I got another large chunk of the new outline done.  I’m sure after I’ve slept I can get close to completing tomorrow.  I’m not sure I’ll be any use today.  Another bright side, in addition to getting some good writing out, I also caught up on Glee–go me!

Down With Blogging

Blogging sucks.  I’m done with it.  From now on, I’m treating this website as my own journal.  I may keep out some of the more private stuff, but I’m done with the formality of blogging.  The funny thing is, I started writing this post like a BLOG.  It was all in nice paragraphs, complete sentences, and expressed full ideas.  Hah.  Then I looked at the clock!

I have to cook a roast chicken for someone special.  I have no time to blog, and that is the point.  Besides, this site was never meant for stuff like that.  I want to get my thoughts out to the world–not show off my writing skill.  Of course, I’ll do that here and there (as I have done).  Not to mention–that is what the BOOK is for.

P.S.  Remind me to tell you guys about the book sometimes.  For real about it.  Not all the general stuff.  I won’t be giving any of the ending plot away, but I think it’s time you guys got an intro/sneak peak into what we’re conjuring here.  Alright, the kitchen awaits!

Edward Cullen, Or Why I Hate/Love Myself

First off, let us pretend we didn’t take a two+ month hiatus from blogging.  We shall wipe the slates clean (as we have done SO MANY times before), and we will forge on with our new found vigor.  As for the business pointed at in the title to this post, well, if you haven’t yet been exposed to the Twilight “phenomenon,” then you’re in for a crash course on the hero.

So, Edward Cullen is a tallish, semi-muscular teen heart-throb vampire.  He excels in obsession, stupidity, with a steamy pile of chauvanism to boot, but, even I have to admit, these elements combined create a hawt character.  The fact is dwarfed by how many times Meyer tells us this fact through Bella’s narrative, but I’m not here to rag on Stephanie Meyer … not today. (We love you Meyer.  We really do.  Especially Rhiannon, but I love you too.  I mean, I’m reading them a second time now.)  Conversely, I consider myself.  A not tallish–by any standard–semi-ghetto booty’d twenty something novelist, who excels in inventing words, fancy grammar, and stories.  On the surface, we are nothing alike.

It’s upstairs (in the brain) where we currently correlate … to my great shame, amusement, and luck.  I’m not sure if I am quite there yet, and I won’t use Meyer’s words, but I’ve been hit just as hard as Edward was when he first saw/glared at Bella.  I’m afraid that is as clear as I’m going to get in this post.  We’re getting more private than I usually get, and since it involves another (who might not want this information published all over the internet), that is as far as I dare speak about it to you all.

Another giveaway clue: I’ve written another poem.  Or, I’ve started writing another poem.  I have the first draft done, and a couple ideas floating around for ways of cleaning it up and making it something worth reading.  Every word counts in a poem … and the fact I am THAT motivated to work on the poem … surprises me.

In other news (haha), we finished the rough draft!

“Yeah, a month ago!”

More like 19 days ago.

“Same thing.”

Yep.  We’re excited (and that was all Joey, for those of you who were curious, Rhiannon has had nothing to do with this post … unless you count the Rhiannon in my brain … since we share one.  Yeah).

23 chapters, 600ish pages, 132,000+ words (sorry about the non-exact number, I’m writing from my sister’s place tonight).  It took us just over nine months, and it was one hell of a term.  We had a book, and it’s … well, it needs to go back in the oven for a couple more months, but don’t all babies work that way?

*Ducks as the Mom’s of the world descend upon me*

“ALL BABIES ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!”

Happy Mother’s Day!

*Enables [White-Out Ability] which casts a veil of invisibility over the user for one hour and flees from battle*

Yeah, sorry about the silly mood.  It’s part of that Edward Cullen thing.  I feel like I can be more myself.  I feel like I WANT to be more myself.  Part of that involves putting myself out there.  Exposing how I really feel … not only to those I’m close to, but to everyone.  I want to share how good I feel.  I am NOT willing to do that at the disregard of others’ feelings though … but I had to write about this today.

Hasta la pasta, for now.

P.S. We dive back into writing on the 13th of May.  Why?  It’s the new moon, and what better time to start growing the book than when the MOON starts growing?

The Sound of Music | Key to World Peace

There is an occult magic in this world so rare and precious it is little heard of today.  Uses for this magic include taming wild beasts, a fast-track cure for the common cold, and will (undoubtedly) be used to usher in world peace.  It is a well kept secret, but I’m prepared to share it with you all today.  That secret is the voice of Julie Andrews.

Most of us have heard at least one Andrews song in our lifetimes.  I’d even venture to say 90% of those songs are from The Sound of Music or Mary Poppins.  It is my opinion there is nothing Andrews’ voice can’t cure–especially choosing from these sources.  I was thinking about writing this post when my sister posted this video on Facebook, thus reinforcing my point:

The way the people react at seeing these dancers just coming out and doing their thing … there is such diversity–and just joy.  My day was made when I saw this video.  It’s evidence that the spirit of Andrews and her music is still strong in the mind of the world!

Taking a leaf from the Jedi Warrior’s Handbook, the military should play THIS at all the “bad guys” of the world!  Soften them up, lighten their hearts, and just plain get along.

*sigh*  I realize I’m dreaming big here, but “wouldn’t it be loverly?”  Take a moment and dream it with me.  Start singing your favorite Julie Andrews song, and do something nice for someone today.  It can even be from her other material!  There are TONS of GREAT songs in Victor/Victoria and Thoroughly Modern Millie and My Fair Lady and … *goes on ad nauseum*

*EDIT*

Alright, I found something else (of course).  If all the above videos have not made you happy, then perhaps this one may.  This features another one of my favorite actors from childhood, Gene Kelly.  Thanks, Mom!

Hotdogs, the Adjective

If you are not yet acquainted with Eddie Izzard, watch this video:

In celebration of this BRILLIANT joke, I’ve decided to “officially” classify hotdogs as an adjective.  I already use it frequently, and now I’ll have a frame of reference for all those who are foozled by my use of the common noun as such.

On Progress

The real intention of this blog was to chat about the progress we’ve been making on the book.  It’s been, well, hotdogs!  It’s amazing and a half to the square root of pi.

Learning about yourself is a tricky thing.  There have been many bumps in the road for us, but we’ve taken them on one by one.  The first one being the fact that we can’t rush the process.  Oh it would be nice if Rhiannon and I could put this book on the fast track, but the more we try to do it the more evident it becomes that we can’t.

We’ve set out to write a great–if not THE great–American Fantasy of our generation.

A Dream Longstanding

Looking back on my life, I can see how destiny was pushing me in this direction.  I was a sophomore in Lowell High School and there was nothing I wanted to do more than write.  I wrote short stories, poem, I even had a couple ideas kicking for a novel (fantasy, of course).  I was a voracious reader and my best friend was the librarian.

The only problem was, I couldn’t finish writing many of the things I started.  Sometimes it was hard to GET started in the first place.  So, I asked a good friend, Rachel (my first “wife” and fellow author), to write a novel series with me.  My goal was to write something epic–Tolkien in complexity.  I was even attempting to invent my own language.

Admittedly, most of the work I was doing I was hardly interested in.  I assumed, because that’s the way other authors came up with their magical worlds, that was the way I had to do it as well.  Needless to say, all this work go on Rachel’s nerves, and we fought about essential plot points so much that we worked together less than a month before decided it had been a bad idea.  Then I met Rhiannon …

Two Peas in a Pod

Okay, so it was a couple years later that I met Rhiannon.  I had discovered my sexuality, lost a bit of interest in writing, and was finally putting myself out there.  Up to this point I’d been a rather shy kid.  High school really transformed my personality.  It taught me courage, and how to be a comedian.

Then, this annoying kid in French class pressured me to join the Spindles (the Lowell High Show Choir).  You see, they were badly in need of male vocalists.  Male bodies is what they were after really.  I didn’t even have to audition to get in.  I was just expected to show up at the first rehearsal the next year.  Thank god for Rich!

Oddly enough, I’d spent the entire previous year with Rhiannon and didn’t even know it.  She shared that same French class with me.  Of course, she was on the other side of the classroom with her nose in a book 90% of the time.  She got in trouble once or twice for giggling out loud, but the teacher hardly noticed.

Rhiannon was a soprano in the show choir, and I ended up a tenor.  We ended up hitting it off rather quickly, once in the chorus room–to the point where we had to switch seats in order to sit next to each other.  We’d annoyed those between us to the extent that they were more than willing to move aside.

It wasn’t long before I asked Rhiannon to try writing with me.  She was wary, and didn’t jump.  Not that I blame her.  Writing with someone else is a lot of work.  Two egos to contend with, and we both knew mine was strong (still is).

A Pregnant Pause

Later, she went to college.  I tried to go to college, but found the environment wasn’t what I wanted.  Even going to multiple schools.  I just wanted to write, but I still had a hard time finishing anything of great length.

So, what did I do?  I joined the military.  It wasn’t I was half way across the world did I have the determination to pick up the pen and finally finish something.  After I got out of the Marines, in January of 2007, it took me four months to complete the writing of the most melodramatic family drama the world has ever seen.  There was no magic, at least nothing that could be classified as fantasy.  However, I was proud.  The 512 page, 100,000+ word novel was a completed rough draft of an entire book.

Destiny’s Inspiration

Rhiannon, being the GREAT friend she is, was honest about the book.  She hated it.  Even I admit, the thing is so sticky, the pages hardly turn.  It’s hard to believe it was the source for what we have now.  I took a risk, and asked her to write with me again.

Not without hesitation did she accept, but we promised each other not to take the project too seriously.  If it was putting strain on our friendship, it would have to end.  Turns out, it could be the best thing that happened to us.  It’s brought us to a point where we’re co-creating a world that’s always existed under the surface of our lives and it finally seeing the light of day.

I’m very pleased with our work.  And I apologize for not rereading this before posting, but family is arriving and I want to get this up.  Enjoy the video.  I’ll be back tomorrow with more to chat about, no doubt.  Maybe I’ll even tell a Taftkan tale.

Bouncing Balls | A Treatise on Testicles

Yester-morning I awoke to find a guest post on a blog I read regularly, The World’s Strongest Librarian, and I was a mite disturbed.  The guest post was by Larry Brooks, another blogger whom I have yet to really read (but I went over to his site, and it looked pretty cool).  His post was called An Ode to Dangling Body Parts, and I thought it was unjust indeed.

The subject of the post, female breasts and male testicles (as opposed to male breasts and female testicles … eww).  I completely support the female breasts!  I agree with everything he had to say about them, which I find isn’t too uncommon among gay men.

No, what I had a problem with was how he treated the topic of testicles–balls, from here on out.  Brooks had next to nothing good to say about them.  Accused them of being ugly hairy masses that bring tears to the eye and a bad taste to the pallet.  I completely disagree–and for NON-SEXUAL reasons.

A Brief (Selective) History of Balls in Art

I’m not the only one in history to think that the male form–all parts included–is beautiful.  The Greeks were MAJOR supporters of balls!  Research shows (this link is a PDF) that everything was meticulously carved into proportions in Greek sculpture–including the size and position of the balls.

The only “injustice” the Greeks may have done to balls was make the right one bigger than the left one in many cases, which isn’t the case in reality.  The Greeks also believed male sperm came from the right ball, and female sperm the left, so that could explain it.

Balls in a Beautiful Bouquet

The Greeks are at it again here, but this time it’s in words.  The Greek word for balls is orchis, and if you don’t recognize the cognate this word has in English, then look at the picture below for a clue!

Aren’t they beautiful? I thought so too, and so did the horticulturist who named them.  Before people finally settled on calling them orchids, this exotic flower was often called “bollocks stones,” “dogs stones,” and other similar variations.  Bollocks, as we know, is the British English term for balls, and we’ve all called them “stones” at least once in our lifetimes.

Why? You ask.  Even I have thought the petals cast images in the mind of FEMALE genitalia, not male!  Well, the roots look strikingly like a set of furry balls.  I think that’s the dog’s bollocks!

Lord of the Balls

The last way I can show how balls are beautiful, and are praised all around us, is taking you into religion.  Oh yes, that dark and sometimes dreary subject has something to say about them–you bet–and it’s not bad either.  Well, depending on how you look at it.

Have you ever folded your hands in prayer like this?  With steeple hands, not your fingers interlaced.  Do you know why we pray this way?  Historian Dr. Rex Curry thinks he has the answer!

It’s a Jewish practice linked with Yarek Oaths.  Yarek Oaths are seen all over the Christian Bible, especially in Genesis.  In these oaths, the one doing the swearing puts his hand on the “inner thigh” of the person they’re swearing to.  Jacob’s oath to his father, Abraham, is a Yarek Oath (Gen 47:29).

Dr. Curry has found, with his research, that “inner thigh” may have been a Hebrew euphemism for balls.  They did this, because it was a way of acknowledging their circumcision–which was the symbol of the Covenant the Hebrew people made with God.

It is from these Yarek Oaths that the tradition of folding hands to pray came about.  In doing so, the Hebrews may have believed they were acknowledging God’s circumcision, and his Covenant with THEM.  So just think about it, every time you pray with steepled hands, you’re cupping the Lord’s balls!

In Conclusion

I think I’ve made it clear how great balls are.  For those of you, like Brooks–and even Rhiannon–who still think their just ugly, I implore you to give them another chance.  They’re everywhere, sensitive, and need to be handled with care.

Think about it; they gave you life.  I’m not saying you have to like them, but they deserve as much praise as breasts.  Balls are great.  They can be fun to play with–you should try it sometime … whether your own set, or the set of a consenting adults’ (as long as you are a consenting adult as well, haha).  You never know, you might find you actually like them!

Queen Elizabeth, Armed

Getting over some bug or another going around.  I was just browsing the internet between naps and I found this picture on the Time website.  Of course I had to alter it a little and throw it up here, because humor heals!

For those of you who don’t know what I’m referencing, you’ve got to catch up on some Eddie Izzard!

Site Statistics

For the record, I strongly dislike pie charts.  I don’t know why, I just thought I’d throw that in there.  A random factoid regarding the Joey-seph.

So, I installed Windows 7 on my desktop recently, and did a silly thing.  I forgot to backup my bookmarks on Firefox before doing so.  See, told you I was a genius!

Naturally, I’ve not been to many of the sites I use to check how much traffic I’m getting, nor have I been pinging my site.  Okay, so I wasn’t ever convinced the pinging did anything but get my site out there, but I missed it.

Tonight, after work, I decided I was going to google how to get to my site statistics.  I did that, and my answer was in the first link.  It only took me six weeks to come up with that answer, but hey, I’m a genius.  These things take time.  My habit of digression is a bit taxing tonight.  Over-exhaustion, mayhaps.  Although, I feel not a lick of fatigue.

What I really meant to talk about, before we got caught up in my nifty prologue here, was how much traffic the site is starting to get!  I was pleased, in November, to see it break a thousand unique visitors.  Then we broke it again in December two weeks before the end of the month, and a few days before I installed the new operating system.

I just checked the stats for the site.  We made over 1500 unique visitors for December, and have almost surpassed that already for January.  More people are coming to the site.  This excites me in many ways, and it makes me want to start hearing from more of you.

If you’re a regular visitor–or even if this is your first time to my happy corner of the internet–please, leave a comment.  It can be anything.  Maybe an idea for an article you’d like to read, as long as it’s something I CAN write, I’ll do it up for ye.  Words of encouragement always help too.  I keep telling Rhiannon, “I need your excitement to egg me on!  If you don’t tell me what you like, I can’t give you more of it.”

This website is my stress outlet, my creative white-board, and, sometimes, my notebook.  I’ve found a lot of use in it; it has helped me in this journey in many ways, and will continue to do so, I imagine.  Let me know how I can make this website more useful to you.  Or more entertaining.  Whatever works.

My Classical Point of View

Excluding the people I love, second only to writing, music is the most important thing in my life.   I’m not sure I could write without it.  Sure, there are those times I need absolute silence in order to focus on the idea I’m putting onto paper.  However, for the most part, music can ease the writing process, facilitating the desired mood for a particular piece of writing.

A few months back I got the urge to listen Classical music–instrumental is what I was really after, and I did start with some movie soundtracks.  I listened to John Barry‘s soundtrack to Somewhere in Time (starring Christopher Reeve, Jane Seymour, and Christopher Plummer), which has Rachmaninov ‘s Rhapsody a Theme of Paganini .  This is one of my favorite movies from growing up (based on the equally awesome book, Bid Time Return by Richard Matheson), and I always loved the music in it.  John Barry’s The Old Woman is still one of my favorite pieces of music.

From there, I moved on to Fantasia.  Y’all remember that one right?  I was a Disney Kid, I had to watch it.  I think cartoons are a great way of getting kids in to Classical music.  Come to think of it, I have to track down Fantasia 2000 and watch that again.  Anyways, that movie lead to The Nutcracker and Tchaikovsky.  There, I also found Sleeping Beauty, the ballet.  I knew that the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty based it’s music on the ballet, but I never realized just how much GREAT music they cut! Before I moved on from Tchaikovsky, I also discovered I knew–and loved–his fifth symphony.  It too was used as a basis for another great movie moment from my childhood:  Maytime (staring Jeanette MacDonald, Nelson Eddy, and John Barrymore), the last opera in the film, Czaritza, is based on Tchaikovsky’s music.

Classical music is everywhere, I find.  Didn’t Mr. Holland try to teach us that?  Thanks Richard Dreyfus; I should have listened to you sooner.  All I’m sayin’ is, those of you out there who think listening to Classical is too boring/old fashioned, like I was before this Classical craving struck me, then stop thinking and start listening.  I promise you’ll find SOMETHING you already know.  The lack of lyric (or understandable lyric in some cases) really helps the writing process.  I find myself giving in to the muse with ease with the aid of such pieces of music.

Chopin‘s Nocturnes shall be next, I think.  Then I’m going to delve into Dvořák … that should be interesting, I’m sure!